I believe a wise man named Ferris Bueller once said, “Life moves pretty fast”. Sure, he had another half of a statement, but I want to focus on the part quoted previously. When I started this project, I was gung ho and ready to knock its socks off. The Network was new, fresh and I wanted to go balls to the wall tackling every PPV ever.
Then, life started to move pretty fast.
I’ve moved to an entirely new city that offers a lot of new and exciting activities that my old home didn’t provide. I was promoted at my job, making good money and influencing the careers of others around me. My wife and I are closer and happier than ever.
Those are all overwhelmingly positive things, so I’m not complaining at all. I am disappointed in myself that this passion project has fallen to the wayside. For instance, the diary you are about to read has been sitting untyped (because I’m a freak and handwrite all of my notes like 1999 Mick Foley) for two months now. I’m halfway through the next show and can’t find the 80 minutes required to wrap it up.
If you are a big fan of these diaries, I apologize. I will do my best to pick up the pace and provide consistent content once again. Hopefully, life slows down.
So, overly long excuse aside, let’s hit up the first official PPV Royal Rumble, shall we? I was tempted to bust out the blue VHS tape that I used to watch this on.
PAY PER VIEW NUMBER NINETEEN- WWF ROYAL RUMBLE 1989
Written on 10/21/2014
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE: The same WWF water intro is played with a different song. Vince McMahon reads the names while cool, synth jazz plays. This is my childhood. Screw it, Vince McMahon is the early MVP of the PPV.
-The crowd at the Summit in Houston, TX is loud and Gorilla and Jesse welcome everyone. Jesse is wearing a fancy ass hat. The Women’s Title match even gets mentioned while running down the show. Sure, they mentioned every match, but that wouldn’t be the case today.
-Dino Bravo’s theme leads him out along with the Rougeaus, Frenchy Martin and Jimmy Hart. The Hart Foundation and Jim Duggan follow. This is the most Canadian match EVER…and Jim Duggan is there. Foam 2X4s are shown in the crowd. Man, that team has three men and one brain among them. That said, 2014 Bret Hart physically can’t hold a piece of wood.
MATCH NUMBER ONE: 2 OUT OF 3 FALLS 6 MAN TAG MATCH- Dino Bravo and the Fabulous Rougeaus w/Frenchy Martin and Jimmy Hart vs The Hart Foundation and Jim Duggan
-Two out of three falls is called “international” rules here.
-Neidhart and Bravo start. Gotta set a quick pace, right?
-They attempt to tackle each other over and over again. Elbow strike attempts follow and we reach a strongman stalemate.
-Duggan and Raymond tag in and Duggan stomps around like he is throwing punches.
-Joey Marella has the daintiest counts.
-The crowd shouldn’t boo when the Rougeaus hug. Those brothers love each other!
-Neidhart battering rams all three heels in the corner and the faces celebrate. Good crowd reaction so far.
-The rope gets pulled down on Bret, who is sent to the floor and Bravo hits his finisher, which is just a sidewalk slam.
-Raymond Rougeau pins Bret Hart at 5:24 after a Bombs Away for the first fall. What an awesome finish that isn’t used anymore.
-The fall is replayed and it is mentioned that Bret has to start the second fall. So, the faces stall and it helps because Bret survives two quick pin attempts to start.
-Bret…please. Chill out with that chest turnbuckle spot.
-The Rougeaus’ fancy offense is curtailed by Dino’s bearhug.
-Good on Jesse for pointing out that the crowd is stupidly chanting “USA” for Bret Hart.
-Jimmy Hart’s jacket has more musical notes than a Sonic Youth song. I mean, it’s just noise. (Crap…can I remember the decent jokes in Juno?)
-Dino Bravo is freaking reckless. He grazes Bret’s head with a clothesline that was supposed to miss. He is the LVP of the PPV thus far.
-Bret yells “NEVER” in an abdominal stretch. He said the same thing about leaving the WWF.
-Bret destroys Jacques’ nuts with an atomic drop.
-Duggan gets the hot tag and throws haymakers to all three.
-Jim Duggan pins Raymond Rougeau at 13:56 after two slingshot splashes by the Hart Foundation.
-Before the third fall, Duggan tells the ref to “get off my ass.” His wife tells him the same thing every evening.
-The match really starts to fall apart with Duggan and Bravo in the ring together.
-Jacques Rougeau is the new MVP of the PPV. He works very crisp and stiff, but it looks safe. He blatantly deserves the singles run he will eventually get.
-Duggan gets atomic dropped into his own corner and tags Bret in. The ref has to start cleaning up a skirmish and our heroic babyfaces cheat to win once again.
WINNERS: Jim Duggan and The Hart Foundation at 18:41 2-1 when Bret Hart pins Dino Bravo after a 2X4 shot by Duggan behind the ref’s back.
-Thank goodness Jesse immediately complains about this result.
FINAL WORD: A very good opening match that Jim Duggan and Dino Bravo consistently tried to screw up.
-Prerecorded Rumble comments are shown while wrestlers draw their numbers. Ted DiBiase starts and Virgil opens the ball for him. As soon as DiBiase sees it, he brings Slick in, who admits the Twin Towers are happy with their numbers. The heels go negotiate together.
-Honky Tonk Man is next and he angrily leaves. The Bushwhackers grunt and surprisingly show the ability to read. They swap numbers for no reason. Bad News Brown laughs at his number and says “it is good news for Bad News”, which Barrett will never steal. Jake Roberts hopes Andre the Giant is still there when he enters and lets Damien read the number. The Rockers draw and wish each other luck and that is it. It does add a lot when it is used the right way.
-The same country music that Dory Funk will use at the 1996 Rumble plays as Rockin’ Robin runs out. Gorilla calls it Sam Houston’s music. Judy Martin gets a jobber entrance on the PPV and Sensational Sherri is in the ring, challenging the winner of this match while stumbling over her promo. She is dressed like a fancy mom.
MATCH NUMBER TWO: WOMENS TITLE MATCH- Rockin’ Robin (Champion) vs Judy Martin
-Martin takes Bret’s corner bump. That must suck having tits.
-Sherri is with Gorilla and Jesse. She is out of breath for some reason.
-Sloppy wrestling is accompanied by sloppier commentary. Sherri just keeps saying “Come on” and “Get her!”
-To Sherri, she is “Robin Robin.” Meanwhile, the worst Boston Crab I’ve ever seen is put on Martin.
-Martin slaps on a bad small package. The crowd is making no noise except for “high spots” like a Robin missed dropkick.
-Is Vince not producing these three on commentary together?
-Robin hits an awful DDT on Martin that looked super dangerous. Martin kicks out and subsequently buries Jake Roberts.
-Sherri is so grating in such a bad way on commentary. She is the new LVP of the PPV.
-These bitches can’t get a decent small package together. My package is growing smaller watching them.
-Robin does a nice fake out on the second rope before springing into action and ending my misery.
WINNER: Rockin’ Robin in 6:25 after a second rope cross body.
-I didn’t point out that Robin’s outfit makes me think of Low Ki’s gear in TNA right now.
FINAL WORD: We should really cut Kelly Kelly and The Bella Twins some slack.
-A quick preview of WrestleMania V plays. That was easy. I’m immediately stoked for it with that little promo.
-Sean Mooney is with the Twin Towers backstage. Akeem keeps moving and grooving and Slick is too stupid to know about the footage with DiBiase earlier. Slick says the non-word “exactaticly” and then claims that he thought Mooney was talking about the Ted that shines his shoes.
-It is SUPER posedown time. Mean Gene is introduced and the crowd is excited about this for some reason. For the record, I’m not counting this in win/loss records. Only if a bell rings.
-Rick Rude enters and only Owen Hart got more mileage out of a Slammy than Rude with the Jesse the Body Award.
-The Ultimate Warrior is introduced and some brat with Warrior facepaint and chewing gum is shown before Warrior rumbles out sans IC Title.
-Heenan schmoozes the crowd a little before Rude start posing. There will be FOUR POSES EACH?!?! That is excessive. The first one: the Double Bicep. Rude outlines what is expected and then performs the move. I immediately understand why the WBF didn’t work. Warrior’s face is on the ass of Rude’s tights. Rude bends a flexor while Warrior poses and stomps and jumps and pounds on his chest.
-The second pose is Rude’s speciality: Best Abs. Heenan oils Rude’s abs and they show a girl getting totally wet watching Rude. Her hair was BIG. Warrior does the pose and his yelling is making me laugh in the worst way.
-Heenan asks for 15 minutes to prep for the next pose. The request is refused and the third pose is Most Muscular. Heenan says “Remember, Houston! We love you!”
-Rude is redder than hell doing this pose. Warrior does it as well. There isn’t a lot to say. Rinse and repeat. This is just like Bravo’s weightlifting at the previous Rumble.
-Rude stalls, does push-ups and keeps using the flexor bar while the Warrior yells for him to come on. Rude announces the fourth pose as a medley. Rude swivels his hips and does a bunch of stuff to the opposite of noise. Warrior poses as Jesse insinuates he looks ready to fall over posing. Heenan sprays Warrior’s eyes and Rude attacks with the flexor bar, leaving Warrior laying. Agents come to help and Warrior shakes, throws everyone around, beats up innocent people and runs away. What the hell?
-The replay shows Rude really hitting Warrior in the head with the bar and Warrior botching the reaction to the spray in the eyes.
-The WrestleMania V ad plays again and now we hear from the managers regarding the Rumble match. Mr. Fuji goes first and it boggles my mind that he was trusted with talking for people.
-Miss Elizabeth is with Mean Gene and she speaks very little. She says she will root for Macho Man and Hulk Hogan and doesn’t want to choose between them.
-Jimmy Hart promotes Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine and claims that you will get the horn if you mess with the bull. Ummmmm…
-Back live and Jesse is sitting on a throne. He talks up the next match and mentions running for the crown himself. Interesting presentation.
-The King music plays and Haku enters while jobbers carry him. It must have sucked to be on carrying duty, especially because Haku is standing. Heenan requests everyone rise for King Haku and it seems like he relishes the King role. Harley Race enters to a small face reaction and he dumps the chair while Haku is still on it.
MATCH NUMBER THREE: King Haku w/Bobby Heenan vs Harley Race
-With these two in the ring together, I think Chuck Norris is fucking sweating.
-Haku hits a BIG chop on Race on the floor.
-You can loudly hear Heenan cheer for both Haku AND Race. Hilarious.
-Haku’s pants are ripped. That isn’t very kingly.
-Race takes very slow falls in and out of the ring over the ropes.
-Race headbutts Haku and nothing happens. Haku legitimately headbutts Race and nothing happens.
-Race hits a piledriver on Haku for a two count. Of course it is.
-Harley Race would have blast in a bouncy house.
-Every time the momentum changes in the slightest way, Heenan changes his allegiance. He is the new MVP of the PPV.
-Gorilla talks about the crowd being hushed due to the upcoming Rumble. It might be because it is hard to get behind either wrestler.
-Race’s piledriver attempt on the floor is thankfully countered with a backdrop.
-Don’t worry…Race hits a slow piledriver on the floor after a weak looking back and forth.
-Haku and Race’s grunts and noises are a little unsettling.
-Haku misses a top rope dive and Harley misses a second rope headbutt. Heenan cheerleads both.
-Caught in the fucking mush!
WINNER: King Haku in 9:02 after a thrust kick
-Race stumbles out and the replay shows how flush Haku caught Race in the nose.
FINAL WORD: Heenan stole the show. That said, this match looked like they were trying to not kill each other the whole time.
-More interviews from Rumble participants.
-Brutus Beefcake cuts a crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy promo in front of an awful green screen. He keeps talking about his two fists. Stop thinking about Hogan.
-Greg Valentine talks about not being able to trust anybody. It isn’t bad until he says he “won’t need to bring in a scissors.”
-Mr. Fuji is with the Powers of Pain and he is TOTALLY UNINTELLEGIBLE. I may have caught four words. The Powers breathe like they just finished the Tour de France. Fuji is a LVP of the PPV candidate.
-Big John Studd stumbles over his words, denounces Bobby Heenan and looks awkward as a white meat babyface.
-Mr. Perfect’s promo is that. Thank God.
-Randy Savage cuts his typical cocaine fueled promo. Macho Man uses “yeah” as his in-between word.
-Gorilla and Jesse are on camera briefly before sending it to Mean Gene with Ted DiBiase and Virgil. They deny any transaction taking place and talk about the luck of the draw.
-Sean Mooney is with the Heenan Family. Tully Blanchard basically says that Andre the Giant will win. Arn Anderson talks and I could listen to him for hours. Andre threatens the Brain Busters and says he has never lost.
-Mean Gene is with Hulk Hogan, whose arms barely fit on camera. He talks about the Rumble being the resurrection of Hulkamania, but claims it never went away. Training, prayers, vitamins, little Hulksters, blah, blah, blah. Gene asks about fighting Savage and Hulk says he is still the champ with the Hulksters and that he never lost the real thing either. Had to sneak that in, huh?
-The Fink has a big, cute smile. He reads the rules and AX is NUMBER 1. It is random fact time! Ax sucks on lollipops 18 hours a day. He really needs to cut it out with the glitter. Fink mentions the random draw and SMASH is NUMBER 2. The crowd buzzes. Smash has a pet chinchilla.
MATCH NUMBER FOUR: Royal Rumble Match
-Partners fighting gets a good reaction from the crowd.
-These two work well together. Gorilla and Jesse talk about potential hostility coming from this. This has been a very good start.
-The clock starts at six and an awful buzzer sounds. ANDRE THE GIANT is NUMBER 3 accompanied by Bobby Heenan. The lack of music is weird. Andre really like eggs Florentine.
-Andre struggles to enter the ring and gets immediately knocked down by Demolition, now working together.
-Andre survives the onslaught and the crowd counts down again. Taking his sweet time, MR. PERFECT is NUMBER 4. Curt Hennig’s favorite Beatle is Ringo.
-Andre eliminates Smash at 4:55. He made it look so easy.
-Perfect takes Bret’s chest bump in the corner. He did it better. Andre then headbutts Perfect, who sells it by doing a backflip. That alone makes you a MVP of the PPV candidate.
-RONNIE GARVIN is NUMBER 5 to little reaction. He looks so small next to Andre. That is funny considering he was the inspiration for Hummel figurines.
-Andre invents the Stinkface ten years early by sitting on Ax in the corner. Perfect has another great sell of an Andre slap.
-GREG VALENTINE is NUMBER 6 accompanied by Jimmy Hart. Valentine wears pink Birkenstocks. Everyone gangs up on Andre who fights it off again and then eliminates Ronnie Garvin at 9:01 with a simple hip toss.
-Perfect could sell glue to a horse.
-JAKE ROBERTS is NUMBER 7. He once snorted hyena poop. Andre catches him as soon as he enters and chokes away at him.
-Perfect is almost eliminated after a simple chop by Valentine. He is starting to pull away from Heenan as the MVP. Along with Andre, he has already stood out more than anyone else in the 1988 Rumble.
-RON BASS is NUMBER 8 and he is now bald. His “daughter” is Nicole Bass.
-Jake Roberts is eliminated at 12:28 by Andre the Giant with one hand.
-Boring action ensues before SHAWN MICHAELS enters at NUMBER 9. Shawn Michaels hates pancakes.
-Ax is eliminated by a Mr. Perfect back drop at 14:37. That is followed by a terrific back and forth between Hennig and Michaels.
-Jesse says that Sensational Sherri should be in the Rumble. I would rather that than have her on commentary.
-BUTCH is NUMBER 10. Butch is a virgin. Question: was there ever an explanation for the Bushwhacker walk?
-Jake Roberts returns with Damien. Andre freaks out and eliminates himself at 16:40. Man, he got the FUCK out of there. I know it’s not a shoot, but he sells the fear very well.
-HONKY TONK MAN is NUMBER 11 to resounding boos despite Jesse saying otherwise. Honky prefers Miracle Whip to mayonnaise.
-The crowd loudly cheers when Perfect almost has Honky out.
-Why do the Rumble signs sway so much in the rafters?
-Perfect is also great in feigning a huge effort trying to eliminate Honky.
-TITO SANTANA is NUMBER 12. He spends his summers in Aspen.
-While Perfect takes great, exaggerated bumps, Michaels takes big, regular bumps including a double suplex.
-BAD NEWS BROWN is NUMBER 13 and the commentators put over this being the perfect match for him. Brown doesn’t let his wife eat bacon.
-Honky Tonk Man is eliminated at 22:43 by the random team of Tito Santana and Butch. I’m shocked the racist jokes of Weed Whackers hasn’t been said yet.
-HBK hits a double axe from the top rope on BNB and Bass. He has also put in a great performance so far.
-MARTY JANNETTY is NUMBER 14. He pays for everything with dimes. The Rockers make a quick impact by double dropkicking Ron Bass, eliminating him at 24:58.
-Tito hits a flying forearm on Valentine while Jannetty send Perfect’s head into every buckle.
-RANDY SAVAGE is NUMBER 15. He runs and makes a beeline for Brown with his glasses still on. Macho Man always took eight pound shits.
-Props to Perfect for finally being given props on his time in the match.
-ARN ANDERSON is NUMBER 16. He has never seen Star Wars.
-Greg Valentine is eliminated at 28:22 by Randy Savage. The camera almost misses it.
-HBK hits a Sweet Chin Music on Arn and it looked great. It looked so great that Shawn Michaels is eliminated at 28:51 by Anderson and Macho Man’s double elbow.
-I love that the commentators discuss the strange bedfellows developing in the match.
-Of course Arn Anderson gets crotched on the top rope.
-TULLY BLANCHARD is NUMBER 17. Like he did for Anderson, Heenan runs out with him, getting a complete workout. Tully is Richard Simmons’ cousin.
-I just noticed that Butch is still in the ring. I thought the Bushwhackers were offended by this match, hence their short stay in future matches.
-The Brain Busters hits a classic spinebuster/elbow drop combo on Jannetty. They start attempting to eliminate Jannetty, whose boots hanging off the top rope keep him alive. At 32:14, Jannetty finally falls out thanks to Tully, who almost falls out himself.
-HULK HOGAN is NUMBER 18. He gets a giant pop and starts destroying everyone. Hulk Hogan hates chicken wings.
-Mr. Perfect is eliminated by Hulk Hogan at 32:36. Tito Santana is eliminated by Macho Man and the Brain Busters at 33:06 off screen, but Jesse picks it up. This is getting difficult.
-LUKE is NUMBER 19. He whacks faster than Butch on the way out. Luke is certified in CPR. Of course, Butch is eliminated at 34:41 by Bad News and Hogan. I guess these guys weren’t allowed to double team in the Rumble.
-Hulk presses Tully over his head and almost kills him on a Stun Gun on the top rope.
-Savage is selling like he has been in the match for three hours.
-Arn eats a big boot and KOKO B WARE is NUMBER 20. Koko is wearing Hulk’s colors for some reason. Koko is allergic to eggs.
-Arn loves going to the top rope in this freaking thing. Hulk throws him from the top like he was Ric Flair.
-Hogan acts like a heel again, rakes the eyes and Koko B. Ware is eliminated by Hogan at 37:30 and then dumps Luke out of the ring at 37:43. LOLHOGANELIMINATES.
-The Brain Busters double team Hogan on one side of the ring. He retaliates by double clotheslining them from ONE SIDE OF THE RING TO THE OTHER in a completely sickening spot. Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard are eliminated at 38:25 by Hulk Hogan.
-THE WARLORD is NUMBER 21. He was never a Mouseketeer.
-For his sake, I went to the next line anyway. The Warlord is eliminated at 38:41 by Hulk Hogan setting up a record that will stand until my best friend’s wiener is forever scared (listen to the podcast if you don’t get that).
-Bad News Brown and Randy Savage are eliminated at 38:47 by Hulk Hogan nailing them from behind. Savage is livid and returns to the ring, arguing. Liz runs in to mediate. My hand and the paper I’m writing these notes on is a mess because Hogan just got rid of everyone.
-THE BIG BOSS MAN is NUMBER 22, which means Savage shakes Hogan’s hand and forgives him to tackle Boss one on one. The crowd stirs. Boss Man can kickflip into an ollie.
-Hogan dominates until Boss Man hits a splash in the corner. He then hits a JUMPING PILEDRIVER on Hogan. If he can take it, anyone can.
-Gorilla says Hogan has been in the ring for 30 minutes. Jesse disagrees and is right as usual.
-AKEEM is NUMBER 23 and the time has stopped working. Akeem makes his own wine in his garage.
-Hogan hits a throwaway body slam on Akeem, but the Towers finally get the advantage.
-Hogan hits a belly to back suplex on Boss Man. Is this Japan Hogan?
-Hulk Hogan is eliminated at 43:55 by the Twin Towers totally clean. The sore fucking loser pulls Boss Man out of the ring and beats him at ringside while Akeem makes the save.
-BRUTUS BEEFCAKE is NUMBER 24 and naturally helps Hulk with the Towers at ringside. For no reason, Beefcake pays $6 for a $5 Subway footlong.
-After Hogan is heard saying, “I’m going back in there”, Big Boss Man is eliminated at 44:57 by Hogan pulling the top rope down. Gorilla and Jesse are hilariously biased on both ends and Hulk and Boss brawl to the back. Hulk hits Boss Man with an UNPROTECTED SHOT TO THE HEAD via a steel suitcase. I’m counting it because it was loud and chair-like.
-With only Akeem and Beefcake left, THE RED ROOSTER is NUMBER 25. What a perfect cool down for the crowd and my hand. The Red Rooster sleeps on a cot every night.
-After the babyfaces double team Akeem, THE BARBARIAN is NUMBER 26 and stupidly helps Akeem avoid elimination, which Gorilla helps out. The Barbarian likes his steak rare as hell.
-The match really starts to slow down and Akeem hits a HUGE 747 splash on the Rooster.
-BIG JOHN STUDD is NUMBER 27 and the crowd is unsure how to react. Studd makes drink coasters by hand. He makes a beeline for Akeem and they slug it out.
-Studd is keeping everyone away from Akeem as much as possible.
-HERCULES is NUMBER 28 and the crowd is very deflated. Hercules drove an 88 Impala.
-The talk of DiBiase spending a lot of money on his number increases.
-RICK MARTEL is NUMBER 29 and Jesse insinuates that Martel paid for his number as well. Martel’s favorite TV show of all time is Mad About You.
-Akeem is yelling like crazy as Studd beats him in the corner.
-The commentators realize who number 30 officially is now and Jesse laughs, saying it could be a surprise. TED DIBIASE is NUMBER 30. He totally fucked Virgil’s sister.
-Gorilla complains Virgil is still at ringside and every other manager wasn’t allowed to stay. Jesse makes the bodyguard argument.
-The Red Rooster is eliminated at 57:43 by DiBiase following a big throw and a Flair flip in the corner.
-Gorilla keeps calling Studd just “Big John”. It makes it sound like a porn Robin Hood is going on.
-Brutus Beefcake and Hercules are eliminated at 59:39 by DiBiase and Barbarian while Brutus has Hercules in the sleeper.
-Barbarian stupidly headbutts Martel from the top rope. He follows it up with a miss and Barbarian is eliminated at 60:52 by Rick Martel and his picture perfect dropkick.
-Martel works on Akeem, hits two dropkicks and tries for a cross body, but gets caught. Rick Martel is eliminated at 61:34 by Akeem.
-The crowd isn’t rooting for anyone. Studd and Akeem seem gassed. Studd pulls DiBiase in front of him to shield an Akeem splash.
-Akeem is eliminated at 63:03 by Studd and DiBiase immediately tries to bribe Studd, who wags his finger like Dikembe Mutombo.
-Studd hammers away, throws Ted hard into the corner and hits a textbook butterfly suplex. He then hits a gutwrench with a lazy throw.
-DiBiase does his head stand bump with a bridge.
-After beating a guy down, I guess it’s time to win.
WINNER: Big John Studd at 65:06 by last eliminating Ted DiBiase
-Virgil jumps Studd and gets run over, slammed and clotheslines. This is basically bump practice for Virgil. He is thrown over the top rope for good measure. Fink waits to make his full announcement until then. The early version of Duggan’s theme plays and this all plays like a good send off. The crowd reacts decently and Gorilla signs off.
FINAL WORD: This was definitely a step up from the previous Rumble. Storylines are advanced, guys stood out and heels and faces mixed it up. The last 20 minutes of this match are dogshit, though.
-One last WrestleMania V promo and Studd’s music keeps rolling as highlights are shown.
THE LAST IMAGE: Big John Studd celebrating
THE WRAP UP
FINAL MVP of PPV: Mr. Perfect wrote the blueprint on using the longevity title in the Rumble to get noticed.
FINAL LVP of PPV: I really hope Sensational Sherri isn’t this terrible when she stands at ringside for the next 10 years.
MY FAVORITE MATCH: The Royal Rumble
MY LEAST FAVORITE MATCH: Rockin’ Robin vs Judy Martin
WWE HALL OF FAMERS IN ACTION: 15 (Jim Duggan, Bret Hart, Harley Race, Big John Studd, Ted DiBiase, Andre the Giant, Mr. Perfect, Greg Valentine, Jake Roberts, Shawn Michaels, Tito Santana, Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard, Hulk Hogan, Koko B. Ware)
DEARLY DEPARTED IN ACTION: 8 (Dino Bravo, Big John Studd, Andre the Giant, Mr. Perfect, Bad News Brown, Randy Savage, Big Boss Man, Hercules)
FINAL THOUGHT: It pains me that my favorite event is stumbling out of the gate, but this was a small step forward. I still wouldn’t watch the undercard ever again and the Rumble itself is in the bottom half all time. MULLET DOESN’T RECOMMEND
NEXT TIME: I keep Rumbling, but it is in the NWA and in Chicago. I think Ricky Steamboat and Ric Flair’s semen still covers some of the audience members.