"The only thing that's real is me" -CM Punk
In my life, I've never said the word 'wow' more times during a wrestling promo than I did June 27, 2011 while watching CM Punk's promo. At the time, the Internet was going crazy wondering if it was a worked shoot or a legit shoot promo. The biggest difference between a worked shoot and a legit shoot lies in the aftermath. In a legit shoot, the main goal of a wrestler is to seek and destroy. Simply put, a real shoot promo should sound like you're reading a 13 year old girl's diary. It should be angry, mean, truthful, full of lies and, most importantly, have the lone goal of getting the wrestler over via burying. A worked shoot should share the same means of a shoot, but also push forward the agenda of a company and wrestler. Well, that's unless you're Vince Russo.
It was a little after Survivor Series when I started to notice that everything in Punk's worked shoot promo was coming to fruition. The voice of the voiceless was speaking the words of WWE creative. In this moment of realization, I decided to break down CM Punk's promo and highlight where we've come in less than a year. Now, obviously everything I say isn't a direct result of Punk mentioning it in his famous promo. It's just amazing that every single major wrestling event of the last year was (in some way) brought up by Punk months before they even happened.
"I want you to digest this because before I leave in three weeks with your WWE Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest."
The man did what he said he was going to do. He beat John Cena at Money In The Bank and left with the WWE Championship…for a week.
“I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world.”
Wrestling fans got a Wrestlemania dream match all thanks to those four little words. It’s weird to think Punk and Jericho had two months of build-up all for the right to be the so-called Best In The World. Makes Booker T fighting Harlem Heat 2000 for the right to keep the “T” in his name seem a little less ridiculous, right? No? Yeah, I agree. Regardless, Best In The World is Punk’s 3:16 and will be his mantra for years to come.
“You’re as good as kissing Vince McMahon’s ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don’t know if you’re as good as Dwayne though. He’s a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.”
Most people thought John Cena would go over on Dwayne at Wrestlemania, but Punk’s crystal ball knew Dwayne could put Lips To Asses. Punk obviously knew about Dwayne's ass kissing reigned supreme over John’s.
Side note: Thanks to Dwayne’s Weapon of Ass Destruction, (Yes, The Rock has me making puns about lips) in his last three singles Wrestlemania matches, Dwayne has beaten all three WWE 'Era' Stars ('80s: Hogan, Attitude: Austin, PG: Cena).
“And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because Paul Heyman saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, I’m a Paul Heyman guy. You know who else was a Paul Heyman guy? Brock Lesnar.
Enter Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman into the WWE this year. We don't know if we'll get a 'Paul Heyman Guys' match anytime in the future, but here's hoping for it. If Punk's goal was to make wrestling fun again, then Brock Lesnar beating the crap out of John Cena and Paul Heyman verbally bitch-slapping Triple H is like a day at Disney for me.
“But the biggest difference between me and Brock is I’m going to leave with the WWE Championship.”
Looks like Brock Lesnar won't win the WWE Title at Wrestlemania 29. Damn spoilers!
“I’m leaving with the WWE Championship on July 17th. And hell, who knows, maybe I’ll go defend it in New Japan Pro Wrestling.”
...Or they can bring New Japan Pro Wrestling to WWE
“Maybe…I’ll go back to Ring of Honor.”
...Or they can bring Ring Of Honor Wrestling to WWE
“Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, non-sensical, douchebag, yes men, like John Laurinaitis.”
I made this picture and I still don't know what it means. Maybe you only sign the wrong one-legged wrestler one time?
“I’d like to think that maybe this company will be better after Vince McMahon is dead.”
It wasn’t a month later that Vince McMahon was ‘removed’ from power from the WWE, basically killing the character of Mr. McMahon (at least for now).
“But the fact is, it’s going to be taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family.”
Enter Triple H’s skinny fat ass and Stephanie’s fat skinny boobs right into a WWE storyline. This obviously being the most direct result of the CM Punk promo started amazingly at Comic Con and ended strangely as a tag team match vs Awesome Truth. Maybe Hunter realized Punk was right and Stephanie really is idiotic...or he's a doofus.
As I said in my opening, obviously everything above wasn't a direct result of Punk mentioning it in his famous promo. But it's interesting to look at the chain of events, all starting with that promo, that have us at current WWE storylines:
*CM Punk's shoot promo talks about Vince McMahon, Triple H and Johnny Ace
*CM Punk wins and leaves with the WWE Title
*Triple H took over for Vince McMahon after losing control of the WWE
*Johnny Ace steps in and has a power struggle with Triple H
*Triple H is replaced by Johnny Ace as GM of Raw
*Johnny Ace has a power struggle with Teddy Long and wins
*Johnny Ace brings in Brock Lesnar to be the face of his new WWE
*Brock Lesnar quits and brings in Paul Heyman
Maybe Lesnar, Jericho, Triple H, Johnny Ace and Paul Heyman ALL find a way to get into WWE (in their current roles) without CM Punk. Maybe WWE would be 100 times better if CM Punk had actually left and never come back. You know what I say to that? Thank god we'll never find out.
But more important than anything else is the simple question of WHERE THE HELL IS COLT CABANA!?!?!?!