Chris Jericho’s dramatic return of to professional wrestling divided the smarty pants wrestling community last fall. While the eventual Oscar-winning Picture of the Year, "The Artist," gave snootie film buffs a silent movie in the 2011, Jericho dazzled rasslin fans with a wordless spectacle in the verbal diarrhea arena that is modern-era sports entertainment. It was a risky move that proved brilliant, though I’ll contain further fawning over “The Silent Weeks” of Jericho’s reemergence knowing full well that the Slammys will determine whether or not it was worthy of a coveted award.
My microscope this month is trained on what Jericho said when he chose to speak. “It’s the end of the world as you know it.” The video vignettes that set up the mystery man that would eventually reveal himself as Chris Jericho are still baffling to even the keenest observers of professional wrestling. I wish I myself had answers to provide about what the hell those demonic children were trying to tell us, but the nightmares that have plagued me since being exposed to those videos are a private conversation best kept between me and my therapist.
What I will not allow, however, is for my fellow wrestling fans to be plagued with doubt about what this “end of the world” business means, and I’m offering my analysis to C.M. Punk, whose title is at stake at WrestleMania 28. The answer is simple. One need only to look at the lyrics to R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) ” to codebreak Mr. Codebreaker’s new catchphrase.
“It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)”
written by Peter Buck, Mike Mills, Bill Berry and Michael Stipe, released in 1987
CLUE #1: “that’s great it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes”
There’s a huge warning in the opening line of the song, one that C.M. Punk should take very, very seriously... I’ll never forget when the Earthquake debuted in WWF. He walked out of the crowd and crushed the previously indestructible Ultimate Warrior. Is Jericho looking to form a superfaction to take down C.M. Punk, help him win the title and thus protect it? Imagine Chris flanked by Earthquake, Koko B. Ware and Jake “The Snake” Roberts. Not since the Dangerous Alliance would a faction command so much respect simply by standing side by side in a wrestling ring.
Upon further investigation, I’m reminded of the sad fact that the Earthquake (John Tenta) passed in 2006. Rest in peace, big guy... on to the next lyric with me!
CLUE#2: “No strength, the ladder starts to clatter with the fear, fight down the height”
Of all the clues, this one spells the most trouble for C.M. Punk in terms of the odds of retaining his title in a feud with Chris Jericho. If things escalate to a Ladder Match, as the song suggests, then that really favors Jericho. Get this -- he has not lost a Ladder Match in WWE. Not only that, he’s won three titles in this type of match, beating Chris Benoit at the Royal Rumble in 2001 to win the Intercontinental Title, defeating Christian for the vacant Intercontinental Title in 2004 at Unforgiven, followed up by his last and greatest Ladder Match- a World Title victory over Shawn Michaels in 2008 at No Mercy. Do the math, it seems that Chris Jericho wins big titles in ladder matches every three or fours years...
CLUE #3: “Feeling pretty psyched”
No need to explain that one based on how Jericho returned. He was so psyched.
CLUE #4: “Six o’ clock TV hour”
At six o’ clock on the West Coast RAW airs live every Monday night. This means Chris Jericho will continue to utilize WWE’s flagship show as a means to publicly challenge and attempt to one-up C.M. Punk with gamesmanship and sneak attacks leading into WrestleMania.
CLUE #5: “A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies”
Who could forget the tournament last summer to crown C.M. Punk’s WWE World Championship successor, Rey Mysterio? The song offers a warning to Jericho that, should he win the title, Rey could be lying in wait, anxious to recapture the gold that John Cena heelishly took from him.
There you have it- the five big clues that reveal Chris Jericho’s motives and explain exactly what his new catchphrase means. Let’s all hope he doesn’t start ending promos and assaults by screaming “Everybody hurts!” Actually, that would be pretty awesome.
ADVICE OF THE WEEK:
Dear Miz, I know things have been rough lately. You dominated the Royal Rumble, but since then it’s been dry times. I’d advise you of one thing: Don’t push for a WrestleMania match this year. Because the only other guy without a dance partner who is in the upper-echelon is Randy Orton, and he would end your undefeated WrestleMania streak.
TWEET OF THE WEEK:
Wade Barrett regarding his arm injury.
The biggest downer is that I was scheduled to face Papa Shango this year at 'Mania. That's up in the air now. #Hexed— Wade Barrett (@WadeBarrett) February 22, 2012
BUMMER OF THE WEEK:
It looks like Cody Rhodes will be jobbing to the Big Show at WrestleMania instead of wrestling his brother, Goldust, who has been campaigning online for the match. I really think WWE missed a magical, sell-itself battle between siblings that would have been a great addition to the card.