"We drink all the time and looked how we turned out." -Bradshaw
Have you ever been sitting at your house on a Friday night, watching Smackdown, and think to yourself, ”I wish I had more friends who care about wrestling that I could enjoy this with...?" …No?....Yeah, neither do I…
But for those that do, I decided to let you know what I think: The best course of action is to get your friends to start watching wrestling. I know this works, because I am living proof of it. Podswoggle creator Chris Mullet used this very tactic to get other Podswoggle members Michael Whidden, Rich Camillucci, and myself back into wrestling.
As a matter of fact, there wouldn’t be a Podswoggle if this tactic hadn’t been used. I am also not counting the other 15-20 of our friends who showed up at Mullet’s place to watch last year’s Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania who got into wrestling via these exact steps.
Step 1: Get the Royal Rumbles Ready
You can wait once a year and do it live during the PPV, you can purchase the Royal Rumble Collection like Chris Mullet did, you can download the Rumble, or whatever….just make sure you have a way to play an entire Royal Rumble on your TV.
Step 2: Invite Your Friends Over for a “Drinking Game”
If you aren’t sure about how they will react, I would hold off on telling them it is centered around wrestling until they are in your house and have already committed. You don’t want to scare them off just yet.
Step 3: Get Plenty of Beer or Alternative Options
Beer is the preferred drink, however some people don’t like beer or don’t want to drink. That is fine, but you have to find something that has the same characteristics of beer. By that, I mean something that the first few sips or bites are pleasurable, but too much of it and it gets to be disgusting or obnoxious. Some examples of beer replacements have been pickle juice, teaspoons of mustard, bacon bits, ice cream sandwiches, pizza rolls, prune juice, Oreos, water, diet chocolate soda (that’s right DIET chocolate soda), root beer floats, bite-sized Snickers, and fish sticks.
On average, each person will be consuming 30 parts of whatever it is, so make sure it isn’t too bad that they can’t finish the game, but not too easy either.
Step 4: Learn and Set Up the Drinking Game
Sadly for him, the greatest thing Chris Mullet has ever accomplished in his life was creating the Royal Rumble Drinking Game. (After reading that last statement, I battled with my conscience on whether or not that statement was too mean…but then I realized, if you ask him what his greatest accomplishment is, he’d agree.) The Royal Rumble Drinking Game is probably the greatest drinking game that any college student in Gainesville has ever come across. It’s perfect. It lasts about an hour or so, you can still have conversations with friends, anything can happen, and by the end of it, you have a good buzz going and aren’t completely wasted…unless you do another one right after it.
The rules are as follows:
·Pick a Royal Rumble to watch…any year, it doesn’t really matter.
·Divide into teams (4 will be taking it easy, 3 would be ideal, 2 would be if you want to get hammered, and 1 is if you want to go to the hospital for alcohol poisoning)
·Create an index card for each wrestler due to come in the Rumble.
-On each card you can either put the name of each wrestler (you can find a list online or in the DVD box of the Royal Rumble Collection) or you can just number the cards 1-30 (or 1-20 or 1-40 depending on Rumble).
-Have each team draw cards from a hat or box until every team has equal amount of cards (if there are extra cards, those are now community cards).
-Each team now “owns” that wrestler or entrant number.
-Drink 1 shot of beer or 1 part alternate option when “your” wrestler enters the Royal Rumble match.
-Drink 1 shot of beer or 1 part alternate option when “your” wrestler gets eliminated from the Royal Rumble match.
-Drink 1 shot of beer or 1 part alternate option for each person “your” wrestler eliminates from the Royal Rumble match.
-Whoever “owns” the winning wrestler of the Royal Rumble must chug 1 beer or consume 8 parts of alternate option.
Example: If you “own” HHH and he comes into the Rumble, you drink a shot. If he eliminates Kane, you drink a shot…and if you happened to “own” Kane as well, you drink another shot.
Step 5: Watch and Drink With Your Friends
This is the most crucial moment. This is where the fun happens. It may start off a little slow, but trust me, it will build up and sometimes get a little hectic. This is also the moment where friends might ask you, “Why does that Finlay guy come out to the ring with a midget?” or “Why does that Chyna guy have boobs?” or even “Why the fuck is Drew Carey in this match?”
These are the moments where your friends get to learn storylines and get invested in these characters. They may laugh at first. Hell I did…and still do. But just know that if they didn’t care, they wouldn’t be asking questions. The drinking aspect of everything is fun and all, but it also helps to put the guard down of those people “too cool” (no wrestling reference intended) to enjoy wrestling.
Step 6: Lather, Rinse, Repeat
OK, so maybe not the “Lather” and the “Rinse” part, but definitely the “Repeat” part. Your friends aren’t going to become wrestling fans overnight. They might still hate wrestling after the first few nights of doing the drinking game…but they will come around. We have had friends who thought wrestling was the dumbest thing on earth, but when it came to the Royal Rumble Drinking Game, they were excited to be a part of it.
January 29th, 2012 will be the 25th Royal Rumble match. That is 25 different drinking games that you and your friends can experience (we have repeated a bunch of them too and it is still just as fun).
Here are some special moments you can count on happening:
2001 Rumble – Kane eliminates 11 people…that means he will make a team drink at least 13 shots. And that’s just ONE wrestler they “own.”
2007 Rumble – It takes eight wrestlers to eliminate Viscera. That’s nine shots to be spread around to possibly three teams…and it doesn’t always get spread evenly.
1997 Rumble – Mill Mascaras eliminates himself. Yes, that counts as an elimination. So if you “own” him, you drink a shot for him eliminating someone, and a shot for him being eliminated (Andre did it first in 1989).
1991 Rumble – Randy Savage never enters the ring. So when this happens, if you “own” him, you drink one shot and you delegate another team to drink your second shot.
2002 Rumble – Maven eliminates Undertaker. But Undertaker comes back and eliminates Maven. If you “own” Undertaker, you still drink for each person he eliminates, even though he isn’t officially in the match anymore.
Here are some magical moments that we have had happen to us:
My first ever Royal Rumble that I drank to, I swore up and down that I knew Savio Vega was going to win the 1997 Rumble just because I had heard his name before. I made sure everyone knew that’s what I thought…turns out I was wrong. And years later, I became embarrassed.
Last year’s Rumble, Rich bet all of us that if Santino won the Rumble, he would chug a beer through his penis. If you know how the Rumble ended, you could imagine the terror that Rich felt as the ending was happening. To this day, I have never seen Rich’s face that way…but I will never forget it.
At the start of one Rumble, I had to take a call from my girlfriend…we got into a fight…I was angry. When I returned to the Rumble, my team had already taken 12 shots. I had to catch up. Like I said, I was angry…I did 10 shots of beer in like 7-10 seconds…I puked that night.
Our good friend Scott doesn’t do to many Royal Rumble Drinking Games. One night he did the 1994 Royal Rumble with us. The rules of the Royal Rumble Drinking Game is that you chug a beer if you “own” the winner. Scott drew Bret Hart and Lex Luger…guess who won the Rumble that year? That’s right, both of them. Scott chugged 2 beers. Scott puked that night.
I know all of your friends will have a blast doing these drinking games as my friends and I have for the past few years. I also hope it helps your friends get into wrestling…but there is one provision to all of this. There is no way in hell you will ever get a friend of your to become a wrestling fan if they have already seen this.