Home Articles 2011 The Swoggle Squad Plays Santa

The Swoggle Squad Plays Santa

23 Dec

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” -Andy Williams

mainThe holiday season means so many different things to so many different people.  It is the time of the year to celebrate those eight crazy nights or the birth of Christ or to enjoy Ralphie shoot his eye out for 24 hours straight.

Alas, the true meaning of the holidays is and will always be giving and receiving presents.

As we celebrate Christmas for the first time on Podswoggle.com, the entire Swoggle Squad sat down and came up our own personal list of gifts to dole out this festive time of the year to the most deserving personalities in the wrestling business.

You better watch out and you better not cry.  The Swoggle Squad is coming to town with a sack full of gifts.  Enjoy!

Michael McGillicutty

For Joe Perfect, his father reincarnated to help him develop some semblance of a personality.

Booker T

For Booker, what better gift than a dictionary? Wait…how about a thesaurus?  Actually…let’s just give Booker an entire library.

nxtNXT: Redemption

For the fifth season of NXT, how about an ending? 

Evan Bourne

For little Evan, I’m sure we can procure a bag of actual weed.  If you’re getting punished, you might as well experience the real thing.

AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Bobby Roode, James Storm, Austin Aries, Motor City Machine Guns

For the TNA stalwarts, a one-way ticket to Stamford, CT. 

John Laurinaitis

For Johnny Ace, besides a lozenge, he doesn’t really need anything.  How about a daily reminder he isn’t Shane Douglas?

John Morrison

For JoMo, we bestow a giant, hefty set of balls.

jeffhardyMatt and Jeff Hardy

For each Hardy Boy, we would like to give them each a better brother.  Maybe enrollment in a mentorship program?

Kevin Nash

For Super Vinnie Diesel Oz, he gets the set of knees God decided to forsake from him since…birth?

Brother Devon’s kids

For everybody’s favorite adolescences, BASEBALL STUFF!!!

Velvet Sky

For the keeper of the pigeons, the telephone number to Swoggle Squad headquarters.  We’d love to have her on the show…or serve drinks at a poker game…or read The Hunger Games.  Who gives a shit?

Linda McMahon

For Mrs. Vinnie Mac, her very own sex scandal to boost her upcoming campaign.  Any volunteers?

karenKaren Jarrett

For the former Mrs. Kurt Angle, I’m sure she is ready to have a new, crazy, worthless husband.  Maybe Eric Young can finally reach that brass ring with her help.  Or, we can have what made Rich laugh his ass off: Karen and Darren Young.

Mark Henry

For Sexual Chocolate, I’m sure he would like receiving the gift of 2011 in a bottle.

Dolph Ziggler

For the Show-Off, let’s give him a rocket strapped to his back.  Just to make sure what should happen to him does happen.

Sin Cara

For the botchiest of botchers, we have the resolution to his problems: that watch from "Clockstoppers."  That might nip those problems in the bud.

Kharma

For that Awesome Kong, a healthy and happy delivery…and an even faster recovery so The Bella Twins can be dismembered.

StingSting

For Steve Borden, a Netflix subscription so he can find another movie character to rip-off.

JTG

For the last remnant of Cryme Tyme, we give him the best of luck in his future endeavors.

The Anonymous Raw General Manager

For the long lost computer, a brand-new power cord.  That’s why he hasn’t been making any decisions, right?  I can just imagine whoever it is sitting at home, screaming at the TV “NOOOO!!!  This is not what I would be doing with this show at all!!!”

 

I think that will about wrap up our shopping list for this year.  From everybody at the Swoggle Squad to our fans/listeners/readers to everyone involved in the wrestling business, have a safe and Happy Holidays.

Especially Shane McMahon.  We were going to give you a gift, Shane, but you can’t really give continued success outside the confines of the WWE. 

Some people are just hard to shop for.

Recently Debuted

Polls

Out of all of the legit bad asses and wackos in wrestling history, who do you trust the most with a kitty?






Results
You are here: Articles 2011 The Swoggle Squad Plays Santa