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My First Create-A-Wrestler

25 Nov

"Why did he create all of you normal...but forget so many important parts of me?" -Mankind

createmoveThere are certain times in a person’s life when they try to take a look at themselves from an outside perspective.  It isn’t for self improvemen, or self evaluation or even just to have a better understanding of people’s perception.  No, it’s for something we find far more gratifying…. a video game.

When I played my first wrestling video game (2009), I took a good, hard look at myself.  You can always tell the character of a person by viewing their created character.  A modest person would have their wrestler rated in the lower 80s, have their gut hanging over their Intercontinental Championship belt and have a finisher like an “RKO” or a “Skull Crushing Finale” because they feel it is a realistic move that they can do in real life.  And you can always spot the dreamer/delusional person when their created wrestler comes out looking like Mason Ryan and The Rock had a love child who can pull off a triple moonsault into a sharpshooter into a DDT…and that’s just their signature.

Well, my first ever created wrestler was somewhere in the middle of those two examples.  Not because I wouldn’t like to have a ballin' ass character…it was that I didn’t know any better.  You see, I was a fairly new wrestling fan. I wasn’t yet confident enough for my character to come out in a Speedo in front of a packed Staples Center when he, like me, was about 30-50 pounds overweight.  So, my character wore a black dress shirt, jeans, sneakers and a yellow tie.  He wrestled in that shit. My character had self confidence issues, dammit.

My character was an energetic guy though; he’d come out with energy and excitement, but it always seemed like no one cared...kinda like when Jack Sawagger or Kofi Kingston come out.  My guy tried everything to impress those stupid fans, too.  His finisher was some sort of corkscrew flip off of the top rope topped off by an RKO thingy.  Again, I didn’t know much about anything.  It just looked cool.  The final step was finding the perfect song for my character.  So, I found something upbeat and something that got the crowd moving.  And I thought I had it.

Then, the big day came where I would reveal my character to my friends.  It was like unveiling myself, but in video game form.  I was looking forward to the “good job” and the “he looks just like you” and “man, he is badass.”  But, my friends never had the chance to say those things…they were too busy laughing at my character coming out to Mickie James’ theme.


Augie Artiles

Augie Artiles

Been Watching Since: 2000-2002, 2009-present

Favorite Wrestler, currently: Sami Zayn

Favorite Wrestler of All Time: The Rock

Least Favorite Wrestler, currently: Jack Swagger

                                       Least Favorite Wrestler of All Time: Kane

                                       Guilty Pleasure: Enzo Amore

                                       Catchphrase: "I'll TAKE IT!"

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