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WWE: Mid-Card Hell

23 Nov

WWE '12 was called in a THQ press release a "electrifying rebirth of the renowned WWE flagship videogame franchise."  After my wrestling video game experience went from WWF No Mercy on N64 to WWE SmackDown! Shut You Mouth, I couldn't help but realize how realistic wrestling games were getting.  But, let's be honest, how REAL can WWE video games really get?

That's when it hit me.  I'm a smart guy with a college degree who once ate corn dogs instead of drinking during a Royal Rumble drinking game.  Who's more fit to create a brand new WWE video game than me?!?  So, I racked by brain and came up with a press release for the most realistic WWE game (hell, the most realistic video game) ever created.  Enjoy.


AGOURA HILLS, Calif. – November 23, 2011 – WWE: Mid Card Hell will offer players the opportunity to lie, bully and con their way to the WWE Championship.  At the start of ‘Triple H Mode’, your created superstar begins their career as a lowly independent wrestler who is happy just being part of the company.  As the mode progresses and your Superstar kisses more ass, his odds increase for one day headlining Wrestlemania.

This is ass-kissing in its purest form. It’s the most realistic ego-shattering video game experience ever created!

Created Superstars can gain experience and main-event status by doing simple things such as laughing at John Laurinaitis or Kevin Dunn’s lame jokes or buddying up with Stephanie McMahon.  But, beware of speaking your mind or you could end up in a pay-per-view feud with Kane or The Great Khali.

Even after you’ve weaseled your way to the WWE Championship, you still have to sabotage and backstab your friends and colleagues to protect YOUR title. Lying through your teeth has never been so much fun!

WWE: Mid Card Hell will also feature the revolutionary “Jobbin’ to Cena” Mode, where users get points for how well they can beat up John Cena before he defies the odds and wins the match.

Other Modes Include:

Bury The Indy Wrestler Mode

Future Endeavored/TNA Mode

Have Sex With Melina Without John Morrison Finding Out Mode

And Much More

WWE Mid-Card Hell includes a large roster including Triple H, Batista, John Cena and over 40 other soul-sucking assholes.

Tope Adebanjo

Tope Adebanjo

Been Watching Since: 1999

Favorite Wrestler, currently: Daniel Bryan

Favorite Wrestler of All Time: Edge

Least Favorite Wrestler, currently: N/A

                                       Least Favorite Wrestler of All Time: Goldberg

                                       Guilty Pleasure: Willow

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