“This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.” -Princess Leia
I hope this reaches you in time before it is too late. I have watched you for a while and I was proud of you for the man and wrestler you became. You came to the ring with such energy, presence and promise. Starship Pain was a finisher that most wrestlers could only dream to pull off. You shocked the world with your acrobatics during the 2011 Royal Rumble. My heart skipped a beat when you miraculously jumped from ring to guardrail. I clung onto the sofa pillows in anticipation as you clung to the barrier. I felt like I was going to fall over while you balanced on a wall that couldn’t be any wider than 4 inches. And to top it all off, you jumped back to the steps and ultimately found your way back to the ring and into my heart. You have had your share of title matches and have come up just short. You have had women scream for you and men want to grow their hair like you…maybe that was just me. You had it all going for you…and then she came along.
The first part of this “Dear John” letter was addressed to John Morrison.
Now allow me to continue this letter, but this time, “Dear John” will be addressing John Randall Hennigan.
Listen up man, as soon as you are done reading this, you need to call the police and file a police report, because Melina stole your balls. I hope you had insurance on those babies, because I doubt she will be giving them back. Just about every Wrestlemania, there are “celebrity” matches or superstars that return to have a match…and with those matches are other wrestlers who need to be in them to pay their due or take one for the team. Either way, it’s a Wrestlemania match/payday. You were called on to team up with Trish Stratus and Snookie and Melina had a problem with it. I don’t care if she was jealous of a match you had to wrestle with Cloris Leachman, you tell that “Mary Tyler Whore” to shut up because you have a job to do and need to further your career.
I know this letter is coming off as a slander toward Melina, and for the most part, it should be. However, I just want to open your eyes to the downfall your legacy, career and reputation has taken due to the actions or feelings of someone who has no career success of her own and is steering your career in the same direction that kamikaze pilots took. I fear that when you read this, it will already be too late, and in some cases, it already is. For the time being, I will keep the, not one, but TWO, John Morrison shirts that I own, hung in my closet in the hopes that you turn things around. However, time is running out. Winter is coming up and when I am looking for things to warm me up, it may be time to look for those shirts…not to wear them, but to keep the fire burning. Do yourself and me a favor and save yourself from the depth of...TNA.
A Disappointed Fan