“I am woman, hear me roar.” –Helen Reddy, “I Am Woman”
Look, the Bella Twins have gotten a bad rap. They really aren’t as bad as they appear to be. Sure, they’re whores. Sure, they give young, naturally thin girls everywhere eating disorders (insulting Kelly Kelly by calling her too thin? Really?!) Sure, they aren’t talented wrestlers. Sure, they aren’t talented people. But, hear me out (Tope). We should definitely reconsider the way we have been distastefully and disrespectfully treating these twins.
First off, “Twin Magic” – the old switcharooney. C’mon. It’s brilliant. These girls are strategically using what little resources they’ve been given. Disregard the fact that Brie’s ugly butterfly-reverse--tramp-stamp is visible in every awful outfit the Twins wear (Capes? What would Edna Mode say, ladies? I think not). Disregard the fact that this finishing move is so simple, so cliché, so lame - and just concentrate on the fact that while everyone else in the arena and the country and the world can tell them apart the refs (and their opponents) can’t. It wouldn’t be so bad if they could come up with better puns and call their other finisher – a sitout facebuster -- something other than “Ring my Bella.”
And, what about their inability to choose (and keep) boyfriends: Daniel Bryan (chose Gail Kim instead); the Colon brothers (gag me with a spoon); Miz (before he was Awesome) and Morrison (even though it was before Melina, any guy that would date Melina obviously isn’t a very good choice – but that’s an article for another day); no one else worth mentioning. Obviously, these girls have self-confidence issues that affect their ability to choose companions that are actually in their league.
But, they do have a fan-base. The Bellas are two of Bret Hart’s favorite superstars, according to a recent interview with The Cardboard Connections. Now, I find that to be an interesting statement by someone most wrestling aficionados hold in such high regard. Apparently, Bret’s affection for the Bellas derives from an event that happened a few years ago in FCW, a story which Colt Cabana shared on his Art of Wrestling podcast. This story revolves around a match Colt was having with Evan Bourne when Bret came to give advice and pointers. Colt and Evan went out of their way to impress him during their match. When they looked over to Bret during their match, what do they see? Not Bret engrossed in a great wrestling match. Not even Bret mildly interested in the match. No, they see Bret with the Twins all over him, completely distracting him and detracting from every other superstar at FCW. Naturally, they are his favorites. I doubt Colt and Evan are huge fans, but, ya never know.
The highlight of their career was the night Mae Young told Mean Gene, “I want you to give me a match with these sluts [LayCool]…c’mon, bitches, let’s go.” The Bellas threw in some “yeahs” and hand waves and what they thought were intimidating gestures and made sure that Mae didn’t keel over while baseball caps entirely covered their faces (a wardrobe improvement, at least). They didn’t do anything. The highlight of their career, and they DIDN’T DO ANYTHING. I think that sums up what the last 5 years of their lives have been.
I mean, Colt said, again on his Art of Wrestling podcast, that Brie and Nikki went to management during their time in FCW and said that, if they weren’t going to be used properly or called up anytime soon, they were just going to go ahead and quit. The next week, Brie defeated Victoria on Smackdown and the Twin Magic fiasco started. They didn’t earn their spot. They didn’t pay their dues. They didn’t work as hard as all the other divas, as all the other superstars, as all the other people who never made it out of FCW.
Despite all this, I will take a moment to give them props I do believe they deserve, especially after the wwe.com Divas Division controversy. While I do not believe they are the epitome of what a WWE diva should be or what young girls should strive to be, they do perform their jobs admirably. Every week; every time I see them, they evoke feelings in me. I care enough one way or the other to gripe and complain and bitch about them – hell, to write a whole article on the two of them. There is no doubt that they work hard, now. There is no doubt that they deserve to be where they are, now. But there is also no doubt that they just aren’t as good as Beth Phoenix or Natalya or Kharma, now and ever. There is also no doubt that they are audiences’ favorite divas to see the shit beat out of, now and ever.